Have you ever smacked the back of your head so hard that you saw stars?  It happened to me recently through a fall.  For a minute or so I stayed unmoving – just trying to make sense of what had happened.

Then as I sat up, it was as if my consciousness was heightened.  I could even feel the blood pumping through my body.  As I stood, my actions were deliberate and thoughts were clear.  It was almost as if I smacked myself into that very moment in time.  I could think of nothing else.  Autopilot was OFF.

Another Smack on the Head:

An experience this weekend felt strangely similar.  It began Saturday afternoon.  As the phone rang, caller ID showed a familiar number.  It was my mom.  Although I hate to admit it, I don’t come from a close family.  So when I saw her number, I knew something was wrong.

She began with three or four minutes of small talk.  I anxiously listened and resisted the urge to scream, “Just tell me what’s wrong.”  Eventually the tale started with a recent trip to the doctor.  Long story short, although my mom has never been a smoker, x-rays showed a mass in her lung that measured nearly 3 cm’s in diameter.  She was told there was a good chance it was cancer.  Further tests were performed and then she was sent home to wait for the results.

After I hung up the phone, I was hyper-aware of everything happening around me and every emotion flowing through me.  I felt crushing sadness and guilt.  It was as if someone were standing on my chest.

Turning off autopilot…and seeing things for what they really were:

The following day, in an attempt to get out of my own head, I cleaned the master bathroom.  It was not a basic cleaning either; I emptied drawers, went through the closets, virtually nothing went untouched.

With my new-found clarity, I was shocked at what I found.  It was as if I were seeing it all through fresh eyes.  I had so much stuff!  Embarrassing amounts of everything!  Eye shadows in every color.  50 or more makeup brushes.  About 15 blushes.  Just the eyeliners alone were enough to cringe: gel, clay, liquid, mineral, inner rim, outer rim, pencil, pot, tube…  It was just all too much!  I even had doubles and triples of some items because I’d obviously shopped without really knowing what I already had at home.  I’d clearly been using beauty shopping as a drug of sorts.

It was in that moment of clarity I could see my life for what it had been for the last several years.  I was at a job I didn’t enjoy, to pay for things that really weren’t bringing me happiness anyway.  At the same time, I was so busy on this wheel of insanity – that I’d dismissed the truly important things in life…like trying to mend the relationship with my mother.  Needless to say, it was another smack on the head.

Hope is a beautiful thing:

After the longest weekend ever, Monday eventually arrived with news that the latest tests were “hopeful.”  There’s a good chance the mass consists of simple scar tissue from a previous infection.  More tests are needed to know for sure – but this news is a step in the right direction.

Beauty of Simplicity:

This weekend was pivotal for me on several levels.  Most importantly it was all about my mom.  But beyond that, I came to the realization that even though I no longer work at the job I didn’t like anyway…I honestly don’t really miss the things I can no longer buy because of our reduced income.  Is there a certain beauty in simplicity?  For me, the answer appears to be YES.

After all, Americans have long idolized the ever-chic French woman.  Isn’t some of the appeal in her simplicity?

I share this post today for two reasons.  First, please appreciate the people in your life each day.  And secondly, I encourage you to rethink simplicity…you may be pleasantly surprised.

Photo source via weheartit.